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    可人 -----簡媜

    作者:方杞 時間:2012-7-22 9:39:05 點擊:10670


    可人

    方杞

      伊不是人間富貴花,也不是天上忘憂草,伊是不知道什么時代淪落市集的一幀湘繡山水,柴米油鹽酒肉歌舞間的輕煙飛霧,真正的大塊才氣。

       天下癡人無量數,癡心者稀,伊就是“ 頻呼小玉原無事,只要檀郎識得聲 ”的癡心人。
       伊癡,是那種不要被挽救的癡法。伊每天在臺北嘈濁的天空底下醒來,枕畔的淚痕旋化為朵朵春花,花露盈盈,照見夜來夢中的清淳氣象。伊憮然一笑,起身,束發浣面,對鏡更衣,妝臺輕輕低低的一聲嘆息即是果腹早餐。伊下樓走入街道,陷身狼群虎隊的車陣中,心念嫻靜,一身宿命的氣味,上班,下班,煎熬,迎風倩笑。誰也不知道夜夜躑躅街頭的伊的高義與柔情,不知伊眸里千纏百繞的癡迷、渴望,某種內心寂寞的躍動,內心的一陣呼喊,一團火焰……

       而伊也什么痕跡都不露,一面時時叩問生之哲理,堅此大貞大信生命,一面讓生活的千斤重擔壓頂,浪跡江湖混口飯吃,得過且過。偶然被毒箭貫身流矢穿心了,伊就蜷曲在星空下濡血自療:
      “ 有時疲憊得只想靜靜的任由生死,不要掙扎了,不要尋枯草當干木……”
      “ 有時夜半寤寐之間,思及此身安歸,冥冥中若觸天機,總不自覺的泫然……”

       伊就這樣且行且止的活了下來,懸著心活下來,伏著氣活下來,如花似雪的肌膚掐得烏青瘢黑,盡在人眼看不見處,春朝秋夕,伊心如鏡,不將不迎,只想找一個不受污染的靈魂,覓一顆濁世清 . 純的心!

       《浮生六記》里,寫蕓娘心目中美而韻的女子“ 瓜期未破,亭亭玉立,真‘一泓秋水照人寒'者也”,恰是伊的真身面目。你若能在青天無極的妙高峰頂與伊癡心相見,在碧水無涯的生死海底與伊癡情相遇,你會恍然感受一種前世曾經邂逅、今生又再相見的靈魂震懾滋味;一種相見已驚、再見仍然的心念纏縛滋味--------是幾十年過去、幾千年過去,愛過的仍然千斛愛!情深的依然萬般情,雖經歷千百劫難,仍然常相纏綿的情意。

       伊會在發湄簪兩朵紅花,陽光下花笑漣漣,與你挽臂倚肩閑行……
       伊又愛于清曉張羅一盤乳漿烙餅,配上花生鹵瓜端到床頭,羅衫半掩,笑喂檀郎食……
       前半天伊能吟唱李之儀的《我住長江頭》而恍惚如醉,或飄蕩在李斯特作品第六號狂熱的華麗里,后半天伊就噘起小小紅唇,星眸半閉半睜地纏著你讓伊畫眉、拔須:” 拔一根,再拔一根,只一小根就好!” 甜言蜜語繞室追求你的一根胡毛,捏得你全身軟兮兮化做春泥哎……

       天空露重時,你翹起二郎腿坐在沙發上看電視看得入迷,伊會悄然放一條毛氈把你腿腳蓋住,偎著你晤晤小瞌睡假瞌睡……
       新稿既成, 幸而能邀君寵, 伊立時朵朵紅云飛上眉頰 , 羞答答垂下臉去, 低聲嗔怨:“騙人!騙人!” 又扭身攬發偷看你 嚶然一聲掩唇失笑, 忙不迭地往你懷里躲藏, 一雙粉拳擂鼓似的輕捶你胸前,盡拿嬌軀揉你貼你:“不來了啦!不來了啦!” 心花朵朵開, 一任千江柔癡漫天嫣紅黛綠的飛灑,化成萬八千世界里萬虹花月風情, 無言可說,無象可形,純是一片靈犀往來……

       你幾曾見過這樣的風流情愫俏佳人?

       可惜紅塵萬丈里,竟無一個真有志氣地公子男兒大丈夫,能雀屏中選做伊地入幕之賓,賞玩這種清亮的生命情調。伊不動情便罷,一旦用情深至,便“ 如水合水,似空印空 “,直將三世十生的身家性命盡皆愛獻,可以為君生,可以為君死,可以為君含垢忍辱,那一片驚天動魄殉身無悔的情濤,竟是不可以言語形容的癡境。君若富貴,伊相助施粥放賑,在鄉里造橋鋪路;君若淪為踞地乞討的貧丐,伊即灰身滅智,拖著打狗棒,為君趕狗,從容待君以終老。罷喲! 這世上恁多奇男高士如今安在?

       伊有時候亦有橫刀而死的決心,愚癡到誰有百萬金鈔替他分擔兩肩沉重家小,也不求斯人性靈高華,也不求其人才情卓葷,只要也懂得一點點”紅樓“,做得一點點沈三白,伊就肯毅然下嫁,委身床笫,白頭不相離了。新近出第三本散文集《月娘照眠床》,伊自作序,末了癡情不可名狀: ”忽然又起了一陣洪荒之感,如果有人劃火,我還不如焚書取暖去!“

       天下才女無量數,錦心者少, 伊就是” 石蘊玉而山輝,水含珠而川媚 “ 的錦心人。
       伊的錦,是那種礦鉛中出金銀的錦法。伊的文字有魅力,設想奇美,寫情緣有天風海雨之氣,寫禪機哲理深湛明快, 寫農塒鄉井而景歷歷氣騰騰,可以說是中國近代文壇的一個異數,一朵奇葩。

       從宜蘭海邊的荒村踽踽行過萬里泥濘與荊棘,洪水里來,劫火里去,傷盡痛盡苦盡,大千俱壞之后,伊撫著臺灣大學的門墻潸然淚下。那一年,青春激揚的三千臺大新生里,沒有幾個人的手,會比伊更粗糙----伊七歲燒飯洗衣,下田割稻,十三歲喪父失怙,視弟妹猶子,千鈞重擔,都一肩苦苦挑起。多少個寒夜里,寢室的同學悠然酣睡時,伊馱著無始曠劫的幽怨在黑夜里怔忡,愁明日的飯食哪里找,愁舊衣破裳無由補綴,不能遮過天亮后的人言與冷眼;伊把指甲掐了又掐,一任淚痕蜿流成河, 恨恨昂首問天: 為什么獨我伶仃? 為什么獨我慘淡? 為什么蕓蕓眾生盡皆歡欣, 只有我墜在骨獄與血淵? 為什么千山萬水我獨行? 看到的就是大漠孤煙、斷垣殘月?

       當伊以饅頭蘸醬油熬過白日與黑夜, 轆轆碾壓饑腸時,伊鐵青著臉暗暗立誓, 如礦出金:"我為文學創作而活,此是我一生理念!"

       深夜家教歸來,步過繁華綺麗的中山北路, 伊鳩形蓬發立在燈光輝煌的街頭,心如滾石轟轟作響,
    十多年的農家生活與古典文學的印證, 使伊對于垂危中之農家大國的種種珍寶, 有迫不及待的拾穗之心; 伊咬牙立命,如鉛出銀:"中國的好東西都論斤論兩賣光了,想來有痛;現在的少年都是吃漢堡包長大的,眼睜睜的見他們不要家傳的寶,想到切心處,心底有恨!"

       當伊執筆為刀, 賦詩作劍, 在文字的宇宙中興、觀、群、怨, 八方招展古老中國血脈里的宗風時, 伊頓聽一切聲聞緣覺, 觀照三千愛染執著 在朕兆將萌未萌之時, 從懸崖與絕境奔過, 深盼有情皆滿愿:“ 里巷歌謠,息息生民,說是無我,又無處不是我,如何轉夜為晝? 難難難!! 此時想 一些人物,聽一些菜場老嫗對話, 覺得篇篇章章都在動, 只等扶筆。”

       于是伊寫《 水問 》,似初月之出天崖, 一月一時普現眾水, 靈氣到處都是, 伊“ 憂花之未落、月之未沉、鳥之為喑、戀之為折先殘”, 想 “奔到天與地泯, 悲與喜無的地方”。
       于是伊寫《只緣身在此山中》, 似流星之入河漢, 在無明長夜里 沉沉省思那甚深微妙希有的三昧法相,“禮贊存活的世界, 象無窮無盡的生命進貢”, 文華粲然照眼明。
       于是伊寫《 月娘照眠床 》,形如野水村云, “ 執筆的心情也由雕麗而清蕩而幻化” 磨掉了一江靈犀,竟也可以且眠且走,有大海不回瀾的氣勢。

       在青春就改贊美青春, 在云水就該禮拜云水, 在鄉厝就該惜戀鄉厝, 伊胸中丘壑流轉, 錦心織成三本丹青書, 令十方讀者隨伊語意神游其中,歡笑,感悟,乍雨初晴。

         如今伊站在成功的山脊上,錦心與孤意恰如天人交戰, 再起步就是八分艱難的勢, 不管朝哪個方向多跨出一步, 都可能是下坡, 一旦面臨文學的懸崖, 跳與不跳, 就不知會出脫成何等樣人了。
       是不是還有更高的山顛可以插青云?
       是不是還有更深沉的文學號角可以嘹亮吹起?
         是不是可以請九山八海的文人君子,多多愛惜伊的錦心?

       天下素人無量數, 素心者少, 伊就是" 落花無言,人淡如菊的" 素心女。
       伊的素,是那種"不是真情懶放懷"的素法, 明儒陳白沙杜門絕客, 每日靜坐一清涼室中,連家人亦極少晤面, 幾年過去, 忽然有一天, 他開門大笑," 于是迅掃夙習, 或浩歌長林, 或孤嘯絕島, 或弄艇投竿于溪涯海灣,忘形骸,捐耳目,去心智,不累于外物,不累于造次顛沛,鳶飛魚躍......"伊就有這種本心自明的自力。

      跟伊講話,不必講到盡頭,只要敘到中段或是略提一兩句,伊大眼一流盼,便是滄溟幾萬里俱俱了然,心胸澄澈得比你想象的還多,別有一番陽春白雪之弦音,正是無入而不自得。

      《五燈會原》書中,記述洪州廉使請問馬祖是否可以飲酒吃肉, 馬祖點明他因緣果報的輪回之理:“飲酒吃肉是你的前生祿份, 不飲酒吃肉是你的今生福氣。”伊大約因緣俱足,前生今世俱無礙----- 伊曾經扶醉長飲過三個月白風清的竟夜, 非為酖酒,不是征逐, 種種分流乖巧作張作致, 只為酬答朋友的義氣與關情。而在無上的放逸、縱情之后, 第四天,伊依舊謹慎早起, 收斂整齊這身心, 高視正步邁進生之戰場, 非常地自愛自持。

       一回相見,伊穿著素底染草書的連衣裙, 寫有吉祥如意什么的。坐在計程車里,我們有意調侃才女, 便自裝模作樣品評一番, 左打量右端詳 伊身上龍飛鳳舞的草書, 一字字爭著相認, 從胸前曲曲折折凝望到腰腿, 止住, 故作糊涂: “ 咦,這是什么字?寫寫看! ”

       葉子遂伸指在伊腿上有模有樣的劃來描去, 又湊近細看,那女子猶自懵懂問:“怎么樣,這字不錯吧?”
       葉子的笑意飛上了嘴角, 志銘的喜心浮上眉梢, 相視頷首:“ 不錯不錯,這又是什么字?再來!”
       葉子重新搖頭晃腦輕指慢劃, 笑意更深更濃了, 晱晱眼,志銘一旁拼命憋住氣, 睒睒眼, 豎起拇指歡贊:“好字!好字!”
       那女子宛如金剛端坐, 一任葉子的魔指在粉腿間往上劃, 向下勾,左去一橫,右出一撇, 豆腐豆腐的游走滑溜而渾然不覺, 猶自天真未鑿的問:“ 這字有意思吧? ”

         那女子依然臉不紅氣不喘,一派正大光明的仰臉問:“這是什么字啊?”
       嘩啦嘩啦,千江水脈脈流, 流到洼處是低平, 流到巖間是高平, 流來流去一樣平, 這女子攝心攝受自有伊的尺度與分寸, 自如自在得令人奈何不了。

      《警世通言》里,寫唐玄宗初見李白 “ 如貧得寶,如暗得燈,如饑得食,如旱得雨”, 你若是在伊的內心的最深最親處與伊肝膽相照, 識見伊如飛云之高千仞的玲瓏與清明, 便能有這般如盲人忽然眼見光的大喜大悅, 除非很親很相知, 伊不會對人說一個內心字, 亦向來不在無情意的人面前笑, 你若出門辦事, 伊會把你挽了又挽,望著地上低語叮嚀:“ 酒店里容易打架,賭場里一準輸錢, 黑街那邊更去不得呢,去不得!” 然后依著門邊目送你漸行漸遠, 周到、細心、體貼,又另外有一種滋味, 伊的自明自許大抵如此。

         一回談到詩人痖弦,說著說著就想起袁則難形容他的神采:“ 痖弦象是泥金箋上的顏真卿體, 從容中隱隱有貴胄之氣象。”
       我擊節,引為畫人畫骨之深識, 伊默然, 慢慢把額發掠過一邊, 眄兮睞兮輕聲說:“痖弦呢,他如今是 ‘ 醉里挑燈看劍,夢回吹角連營 ' 了!”
       天心即轉的一句話,活脫脫生化出一個雰滿面而又神游八級的不死詩人,真正是水清見底的洞徹語, 伊的自信自覺亦如此了得。

      《惜生》書中, 伊能把為生命線編書的辛瘁化為祈愿, 愿“折一段月光作蘆笛,吹給心情暗啞的人聽”, 亦是伊的女兒情懷------在苦海里泅泳逃生的伊, 總不忘燈塔的光亮, 也總是把最好的東西留給想念的人。 一回伊親手裁布,染色, 做了個枕套,揮毫大書: “不動不靜,使生命恒如朝云絢麗, 又似晚星清高”, 繡寫精巧, 看到的人都說伊慧心不在筆墨, 內而身心空, 外而萬物空, 正是清明在躬的素心女子.

       什么是癡情? 什么是錦心? 什么是素人? 如簡嫃者是。
       試問簡嫃尊意如何? 曰可可可,低頭向暗壁, 千喚不回......


    .

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